Nov
5
2008
Would you want to know?
Author: Steve Martin
There is a song by Thriving Ivory called Angels on the Moon that got me thinking. You can hear it on their site by choosing “audio” and clicking on Angels on the Moon. For me, it actually started automatically playing when I visited the site. Anyway, in the song are the words “don’t tell me if I’m dying, cuz I don’t want to know. if I can’t see the sun, maybe I should go.” It got me thinking about whether or not I would want to know if I was dying.
For me, I think I would want to know. One of the reasons I would want to know is so that I could make the very most of the remaining time I had left. Make each day really worth while and get the most of every moment of every day. I would make sure I spent extra time with my kids and wife and leave them knowing that their father/husband really loved them. I could also make any necessary arrangements before I was gone so that others would not have to be burdened with them.
While I would want to know for myself, I would not necessarily want my wife and kids to know. I think the suspense would be harder and more emotional leading up to the final moment than dealing with the shock and emotions after I were gone. Lets say there were 6 months left, that’s six months of sadness and emotion plus dealing with the aftermath when you are gone. My wife is a big worrier, so being able to save her some grief would be a good thing. If I could spare her the 6 months of pain so that she just has to deal with the aftermath, it might be a good thing.
On the flip side, if my wife were the one with limited time left, I would want to know so that I could help her through it by helping her make the most of the remaining time. It would be sad to get stuck in self pity and sorrow when you have limited time left but I think it would be very difficult not to fall into that.
When we stop to think about it though, we are all dying. Every one of us will have to go through death. It may be in 30 years, it may be in 30 days. So, since we don’t know when that day will come, we should live life as if it were going to happen soon because…it just might. Every day is a new blessing to be with loved ones, lift people up, make the most of every situation. We recently got back from one of our first family vacations in about 5 years. With my work, it is hard to go away as I never know what might happen with my clients needing an on-site visit to fix problems. I fear not being there when they need me and possibly losing business. Well, we prayed that things would be ok with our clients and headed to Disneyland. I had calls about various problems and was able to fix them over the phone or by remotely getting onto their computers. Nothing major that required an immediate on-site visit. Everything requiring an on-site visit was able to wait until our return. I was able to see that I also need to be there for my family. It would be far better to lose a client than to lose the trust, closeness, and love of my wife or kids. They are number one in my life and should always remain so.
Anyway, hopefully we can stay focused on what is important in life as we don’t know how long we will be here. Make the most of every moment you have.
November 5th, 2008 at 11:59 am
I’d want to know too so I could also tie up loose ends. Since I’m single and unattached my “loose ends” would be more of completing my list of ten things I wanted to accomplish in my lifetime, though, only I hope I’d actually READ said list before I actually went out to complete those things unlike the time I went and ran a marathon because I THOUGHT it was on my list only to come home to scratch it off the list and discover it wasn’t even there in the first place…
November 5th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
You have a “Bucket List”? I don’t have one of those. Maybe I should make one. Have you seen the movie? We have it if you want to come watch it sometime.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
You know Steve I enjoyed reading that because sometimes I know I waste my time and then I get angry at myself. I know I really should be doing all I can while I have time here so thanks. It has made me start to think. I have thought about writing a “bucket list” but every time I go to start it I can’t really think of anything to put on it that is really important. Going on an African Safari is not that important…
November 5th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Stacey, nice.
November 19th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Well said, Steve. It’s interesting how experiences can totally change our perspective. I know Dad said that being diagnosed with cancer completely changed the way he looks at life. He told me once that it’s one of the best things that ever happened to him. When we were told Soren would be born with down’s syndrome, it changed the way I look at my family and at children with disabilities. Obviously we are very happy that he’s fine, but just thinking for a couple of months that he might not be changed our perspective. You’re right in that we’ve all been given a death sentence. Country music always says it best: Live like you were dying. There’s a quote I read years ago by Og Mondino that says, “Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.”