I’m Watching You…

Author: Steve Martin

Last night I gave my wife the scare of her life. I did it on a whim but I could not have planned how perfectly it turned out. She had planned a GNO (girls night out) with the other moms that are part of our baby-sitting coop. There were 5 women in all. Each of these women have 2 to 5 kids and have been married for many years. Last night they became like a group of scared teenagers at a slumber party.

So, like I said, they were all out for a GNO. They had gone out to dinner and had headed back to the home of one of the women in the group. I did not know where they were or what they were doing. At home, I had put the kids to bed and was playing around with our new Kindle Fire that we got for Christmas. I was downloading and checking out new apps and just goofing around. I found the TextPlus app and downloaded it. It is a pretty basic app that lets you text people’s cell phones. It provides you with a free random phone number and you can start texting immediately. The phone number I got was a Kentucky number. For fun, I thought I would text Jenny and see if I could scare her. Little did I know how perfect this trick was going to be.

Below are the texts I sent from my new Kentucky phone number from the Kindle Fire. I will interject what happened on their end throughout the text messages:

  • I’m watching you…

Unknown to me, Jenny happened to be in the basement of this friend’s house and was sitting next to a large window that did not have any blinds. Her initial thought¬†was that someone got the wrong number when sending this text to her but she could’t help looking out the window to see if she could see someone looking in from the outside. Then the next text arrives:

  • You can’t see me.

She starts getting a bit freaked out and tells the rest of the¬†women about these 2 strange texts. They told her it must be Steve but she is very doubtful because of the strange phone number the texts came from. She decides to call me on my cell phone. I of course play dumb and convince her that it isn’t me and that it sounds really weird. She freaks out a bit more. Then the following texts:

  • Do you know who this is?
  • Why won’t you respond?
  • Who did you call?

After getting this last text, all the women really freaked out and ran out of the room into another room of the house that doesn’t have an open window. They have the husband at the home go out and look around outside to see if he can see someone in their yard or a neighboring yard. One of the women calls her husband to see if it might be him. He has no idea what they are talking about. Then:

  • Aren’t you curious to know who I am?
  • You have a nice van.

this last one put them all over the edge. Whoever this stalker is must know where they are and what vehicle she is driving. Jenny starts imagining someone hiding out in her van waiting for her or following her home when she leaves. I am unaware at the time but the owner of the home decides to call the cops. I then text:

  • Don’t freak out.

I then get the one and only reply from Jenny:

  • Just called the cops. Not freaking out.

I don’t know about you but I think that reply completely contradicts itself. If she wasn’t freaked out, why did they call the cops. I knew the joke had to come to an end. I called Jenny and told her it was me. She almost sounded hysterical on the phone and all of the women were mad at me. The cops had arrived and the owner told them that it was Jenny’s husband playing a joke on her. They laughed and left. Jenny told me the details of where she was with each text and how scared she had been. I totally could not have planned it any better than it worked out. After they knew it was me, everyone started to calm down. I was called a lot of names by the women that I won’t repeat here. I only wish I really could have been watching them as they freaked out. I’m glad I could add some entertainment to their GNO.

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